Family - first day of summer

Technically that arrived a few of days ago on Friday. Hoorah for the sun. Yes I know that I was in Dallas for nearly a month where temperatures reached over 100 degrees on most days but still. It's July. It's supposed to be summer. In preparation for more rain this summer and having to walk in the rain with a buggy and small child, I have bought a cycle cape. It duly arrived on that first hot day last Friday. Typical!

Anyway today was technically the first official day of the summer holidays and quite frankly I wish it was the last. It started with a promise, lovely weather, the chance to be outside, read a book, birds singing and ended with the usual "why aren't you listening to me" and "tidy your room". Vision smashed - who was I kidding?

So admit it, how many of you if you have more than one child treat the older one as an adult, even at the tender age of four..... Why doesn't he understand the long rambling sentences I find myself uttering? Why do I keep on saying the same thing over and over again? Why do I sound like the teacher in Charlie Brown with more than a hint of Nurse Ratchet? Why does he not understand the complexities of having a baby around? Why is it that what we really need is a book on child speak? Can someone else please translate for me?

Instead of my son hearing "Lovely wonderful son of mine stop whining and go into the garden, commune with nature and take advantage of all that life has to offer." He hears "Stop whining, don't do that, do this, stop poking a stick in your eye....." Maybe I need a few simple instructions that I can use so he gets the importance of the message I am trying to give. You know those urgent life lessons like:

1. Listen to me and do what I have asked you to do
2. Don't ask me for more food
3. Don't pick your nose
4. Don't use that stick/fork/cardboard tube/bow and arrow it'll poke your eye out
5. Don't put your face so close to your sister she'll have your eye out (she's 5 months old)
6. Don't jump up and down all the time
7. Don't run in the house
8. Don't
9. Don't
10. DON'T......

See how polite I am to start with. By the end of the day I'd like to retire to the bottom of the garden (it's not a big garden) and leave them to it. In a Swallows and Amazons, Stig of the Dump not Lord of the Flies kind of way. I wouldn't mind St Trinian's either at least it would show initiative and an interest in the sciences!

Why and when did I turn into a Victorian Mother? I used to laugh at my brother and call him Victorian Dad (from Viz) but suddenly that's me. Hence the Nurse Ratchet thing. Why do I expect my exuberant 4 year old to behave like Little Lord Fauntleroy? He's basically a great kid, brilliant sense of humor and loves life. Which at the end of the day is all you can hope for (other than being Prime Minister of course). Hopefully he'll not remember much of this period of time when he's older. In the meantime I have to work out a way so I don't behave like that headmistress in Matilda.

Also you know you're in trouble when that modern wonder punishment or parental control technique of time out no longer works - bear in mind he is only 4 years old but time out does not work in this house. Our son is more likely to put himself in time out which kind of takes the point away really. This is something I'll touch on another time. So sorry Jo Frost and Nanny 911 time out doesn't always work.

So in light of that I'm off to the fridge for a butterscotch Angel Delight fix...... where's that spoon?